NEW YORK — Local gamer Ashton Keith is demanding that stairs be nerfed after he was once again left completely out of breath after climbing up a small staircase
“This is just completely ridiculous at this point, they’re way too OP,” exclaimed Keith as he struggled for breath in a TikTok. “I’m a fairly in shape guy, I do crunches all the time when I drop my controller and have to pick it up and my cardio has always been great. I’m famous for lasting the longest out of my whole friend group in gaming sessions, I can go 8 hours straight without getting tired. But every time I have to climb some stairs I get really winded very quickly. Something needs to be done about this, the stairs are simply not tuned well.”
Architect Marcus Anthony commented on the TikTok, explaining the difficulty of developing stairs for such a wide variety of players.
“It’s one of the most difficult things to get the tuning right for. You need to design them in such a way that makes them achievable to anyone regardless of skill level or character archetype but at the same time you still want there to be a challenge. Unfortunately this means that some classes will have more difficulty than others. The Couch Potato class is gonna struggle more than the Healthy Adult class and that’s just the way it is unless they go out of there class to invest in some vitality and endurance stats”
Keith’s roommate Floyd claims that the stairs are fine the way they are and Keith simply needs to get good.
“It really is a skill issue. Our apartment is on the second floor, it’s not a big flight of stairs. There’s a really fat guy who lives on the 5th floor that never complains about the stairs.
I’ve never seen Ash exercise since we became roommates eight years ago and his idea of healthy food is putting peppers on pizza. There are some days where I swear he doesn’t even get up out of his chair. He’ll be playing a single player with bloodshot eyes and roll his chair over to get a Mountain Dew. He says pausing is for the weak, meanwhile he needs to take a break to get up one flight of stairs”
At press time, Keith has vowed that if the stairs won’t be nerfed then he will simply leave his apartment less.
