CULVER CITY, Calif. — Amazon has reportedly begun production on its own line of nuclear weapons following the success of its Fallout series, according to sources already in underground bunkers.
“We have a culture that allows the best ideas to rise to the top,” explained Kenneth Hanson, Head of Amazon’s new Nuclear Division. “So many people are excitedly replaying the Fallout games because of our show, we figured that we could use the hype and show viewers how close we could get to a Fallout wasteland in real life. We’ve made some headways on developing an actual ‘Fat Man’! We even have a growing waitlist of Prime members who have pre-ordered Amazon’s new tactical nuclear catapult.”
Many Prime members say they are eagerly awaiting the new line of “Amazon Basics” weapons so that they can finally live out their dreams of traversing the radioactive wasteland of America.
“I’m so excited! I’ve been playing Fallout since Fallout 3 came out. I always loved that you could get a weapon that would level an entire town full of people. Now I can try it out in real life! While I wait for my new Fat Man Nuke Launcher, I’ll be wearing my Vault 33 vault suit (shout out to Prime’s two day shipping!) and collecting all the bottle caps I can!” said Prime member vaultboy101.
Another Prime member, dpeters1968, praised the simplicity of joining the waitlist and ordering their own nuclear weapons.
“I saved 15% by buying one every month on a subscription plan,” dpeters1968 said. “I did splurge a bit and also ordered the world class nuclear physicists to come and assemble it for me. Totally white glove.”
Not all members on the waitlist were excitedly awaiting their Prime orders, though.
“I can’t believe this is allowed. Who let them do this? Why can Amazon just make these? I mean, I’m buying one because they’re cool as hell but like I’m not happy about it!” commented Prime member savethebees221.
At press time, Amazon executives could not be reached for comment from their various undisclosed underground vaults. Sources fear they have already been cryogenically frozen with 1% of the American population.
