FRESNO, Calif. — A 33-year old millennial is reportedly joining Bluesky in order to relive their fond memories of Tumblr’s peak, not-quite-middle-aged sources have confirmed.
“I know everyone said Tumblr died a long time ago, but I was hoping it’d still make a comeback,” said Alex Dalton, who said they have had several accounts on the platform starting as early as 2007. “I think it’s finally time to move on, though. I was always afraid of Twitter and Instagram because they were so different. I mean, how am I supposed to read a thread if its replies aren’t awkwardly nested from right to left? At least Bluesky obfuscates the quote-post chains, so they’re similarly impossible to read. It’s not quite home, yet, but it’s familiar.”
Bluesky CEO Jay Graber confirmed that providing a place for aging millennials to safely post was the entire point of the platform.
“We knew that Bluesky had to be a modern social media site,” said Graber, “but it needed to have a similar vibe to Tumblr or else it would scare and confuse our core users. It’s like how Alzheimer’s wards have their nurses dress in uniforms from the 1960s and play oldies on the radio. Our version of that was seeding the platform with a bunch of posts about ‘Doctor Who’ and ‘Homestuck’ that turn on caps lock in the middle of a sentence for no reason. It provides a certain level of comfort that allows our audience to post through the horrors of the changing world around them.”
Social media expert Matthew Phillips noted that generational migrations such as this are not uncommon.
“You see this with every website,” said Phillips. “Gen X had Friendster. Friendster is gone. Now, they’ve happily adopted Facebook ever since the Boomers flooded in and ruined it. I can only imagine where all the Zoomers will end up in a few years, once TikTok has faded. Maybe some venture capitalist is seeding the very start-up that will create it right now. Only time will tell.”
At press time, Dalton was seen wearing a dream-like smile as they read a poorly-organized thread about the gender politics of “Supernatural.”
