SAN FRANCISCO — Free, online encyclopedia Wikipedia has released a new banner announcing that the reference site will be forced to execute hostages if their recent fundraising demands are not met.
“Wikipedia is still not for sale,” said founder Jimmy Wales as he struggled with the safety lever on his AK47 and gestured to the blindfolded figure kneeling on the floor in front of him.
“But we depend on small donors, and time is running out for you to save this one. If this man’s life is worth at least $2.75 to you, consider joining the two percent of users who donate. Our year-end fundraiser will be over soon, and then there will be no hostages left to rescue.”
Some Wikipedia users characterized the website’s fundraising tactics as desperate.
“I just gave them fifty bucks in September, and they’re already asking for more money? It feels like they’re always hounding me for cash,” said Seth Hubbard.
“I mean, sure, they are an ad-free repository of the sum of mankind’s knowledge, and they did return my son to me practically unharmed after they received my wire transfer, but they have to realize that these constant demands only make them look needy. It really shakes my faith in them as an organization.”
Nonprofit watchdogs condemned the tone of Wikipedia’s fundraising outreach.
“There’s nothing wrong with a clear call-to-action, but direct threats of violence are unacceptable,” said Charity Navigator spokesperson Jenna Bower.
“Taking hostages and sending pictures of them to their family and the media should be enough to incite a significant bump in donations. The implied threat is sufficient, here. There’s no need for Mr. Wales to push the issue any further, especially when Wikipedia has enough cash reserves to continuously operate for several years, even if they received no further money from donors.”
At press time, Wikipedia users reported a new pop-up that appeared to show a censored picture of a corpse above text reading, “A direct appeal from the next hostage.”
