SAFFRON CITY — After numerous iterations and experimentations over the course of 27 years, Silph Co. has revealed that the Master Ball prototype is now complete and will soon be available to the general public.
“We are pleased to announce that the Master Ball design has been fully completed,” said Silph Co. president Rodney Dexter. “No longer will trainers be required to whittle down Pokémon to their last sliver of health, paralyzing them, and putting them to sleep in order to capture them. No, the future is now one simple throw, and they will be under your command.”
Response to the announcement was divisive.
“At first I was like, ‘fuck yeah, that’s gonna make my job so much easier’,” said Ace Trainer Thomas. “And then they announced that price tag. Yikes. Not in my lifetime. I’ll wait until they lower it or another company makes a cheaper, slightly uglier version.”
Poké Marts around the world were prepared for the influx of customers.
“Midnight release for this thing is going to be insane,” said one manager of the department store in Celadon City. “I’ve already got people lining up outside, and it’s not even out for another two weeks! Must be nice to be a Pokémon trainer with nothing better to do. How do these guys make a living anyway? Is there some kind of tax write-off?”
At press time, scientists out of Cinnabar Island predict that legendary Pokémon will immediately go extinct once Master Balls are made affordable enough for the average consumer.
