NEW HAVEN, Conn. — Yale University’s most respected and accredited literary scholars have been stuck debating the power levels of various famous book characters for nearly a week, it’s been reported.
“Obviously, Don Quixote’s many adventures through Spain make him the clear GOAT,” head of English Studies Felisa Berger said. “Mr. Darcy’s nothing but a little Englishman bitch. His money basically ensured he’d never face any true difficulties other than his tumultuous love life. I don’t see how anyone could ever think he has a chance in hell at beating Don Quixote. Sure he’s crazy, but honestly that’s another point for Don. Mr. Darcy wouldn’t know what hit his ass.”
This evolution of literary discussion was seen as inevitable by some.
“At this point, what else do we have to talk about?” professor Edward Gilmore said. “You’ve got decades of research and debate over the themes and merits of these works. So, why not spend our time talking about the power scaling of the literary canon? Not like we ever got much farther in our other debates. Besides, this stuff does gangbusters on YouTube Shorts.”
Others hate the notion that this is what they have been reduced to.
“This whole fight is laughable. I can’t believe this is what we’ve been reduced to,” stated professor Daniel Parnell. “We used to be the world’s foremost experts on literature. Now we debate this. And first off, the time and locations don’t add up, so there’s no way that they’d ever even be near each other to fight. Besides, we all know that Mr. Darcy would beat the shit out of that fake conquistador, no cap.”
At press time, though the team was still quarreling, they were all able to agree that the books are still “peak fiction”.
