DALLAS, Texas — A local teen has potentially created a dangerous temporal paradox after traveling back in time to prevent his parents from having intercourse on the night he was conceived, sources familiar with the situation have confirmed.
“POV: You’re about to go back in time to make sure your parents never have seggs,” a robotic voice narrated over a TikTok posted by Shaun Hancock, 16. The short video gave a visual overview of his home-made time machine and was labeled with the hashtag “SelfCensorshipChallenge.”
Several of Shaun’s friends, including classmate Reed Anderson, say they expressed their concerns to him before he executed his plan.
“When he told me what he was going to do, I said he was crazy,” said Anderson, who added that Hancock had begun referring to himself as the ‘CEO of time.’ “Not only do you risk ripping the fabric of space-time apart at the seams and potentially negating your own existence, but you might actually walk in on your parents, you know, being all gross and stuff. Don’t make me say the word.”
Roberta Ortiz, professor of theoretical physics at the University of Rhode Island, said that this type of TikTok challenge has become popular with the younger generation.
“They’re always trying to do something that violates the principle of causality,” said Ortiz, who said that she was careful to explain the entropic arrow of time to her own teenage children. “I saw a video the other day where a high school kid claimed to have reversed entropy in a closed system, but he hadn’t sufficiently accounted for energy being added by radiative heat. The things these kids get up to, I swear!”
At press time, Hancock was reportedly fading away from family photos and being replaced by a slightly younger and cooler child.
