The Streamer Awards held this Saturday ended with a fizzle, not a bang. According to QTCinderella, the $50,000 afterparty for the Streamer Awards was shut down due to streamer JustaMinx’s drunken antics violating the venue’s terms of contract. I cannot believe that JustaMinx would cause such trouble at the afterparty. I think it’s high time people stop inviting JustaMinx to these streamer parties and start inviting someone cool like, say, me instead.
As someone who does not stream, I am the perfect match for your streamer party. Unlike JustaMinx or some other streamer, I have almost no online presence, and therefore do not have the online clout to start drama or film inappropriate moments. Not only am I a casual drinker, but alcohol interferes with my antidepressants so I shouldn’t be drinking in the first place.
Streamer xQc says that JustaMinx “just drank too much” at the Streamer Awards after party. In contrast, my friends say that I “love to be designated driver” and “make a great bean dip” when I go to parties.
JustaMinx is offering to pay the $50,000 invoice for the canceled Streamer Awards afterparty, which is very generous. However, I wouldn’t ruin the party in the first place because a $50,000 dollar payment would ruin my life financially. Instead of trashing the party, I’m down to help clean up afterwards because I am desperate for approval.
Reportedly, JustaMinx attempted to throw other streamers and multiple giant gas heaters into the party’s pool in the middle of the night. I would never throw anything into the pool. In fact, I am not able to throw heavy objects, due to my back surgery and history of herniated discs. I am extremely physically weak in general, which means that I could easily be removed from the party unlike known boxing extraordinaire JustaMinx. Hell, you may still need to call an ambulance like with JustaMinx, except this time it’s for my fragile, pathetic spine!
Did I mention I can juggle? I’m not talking about that pansy 3 ball shit. I’m handling 4, 5 balls at a time. These hands are magnets. I also have a personal card trick that I only do when I’m drunk – so I guess you’ll never see it.
Please invite me to your party. I am very lonely.
