ALBANY, N.Y. — Due to financial difficulties, local mutant Rodney Carson has been forced to remain in his hometown and take state-funded hero training courses at his public high school.
“Well, I’ve got a single mother. I’m sure you can guess why,” said Carson, a teenage crab/human hybrid. “So, I work some odd jobs to help cover the bills. I drive for Uber, but a lot of passengers tend to cancel their ride when they see a man with claws approaching their location in a 2004 Toyota Corolla. I used to do Postmates, too, until they stopped letting me handle the food because of seafood allergies. Needless to say, we can’t afford for me to go off to some fancy school in Westchester—not that I could have gotten in, anyway.”
Principal of Albany High School, Gene Stafford, lauded his school’s Mutant Education Program, asserting it offers an affordable alternative with perks not available to private counterparts.
“Sure, schools like Xavier’s provide top-of-the-line prep for students looking to earn a spot on premier crime-fighting teams like the X-Men and Avengers,” conceded Stafford. “But here at AHS, we have fantastic vocational programs that teach kids to use their abilities for practical trades like welding and HVAC. Or, if they hear a call to serve their country, Sgt. Crabtree is always prowling the cafeteria looking for promising super-powered talent for the United States Army.”
Charles Xavier, founder of the private Westchester boarding school bearing his name, claimed some mutants are not a good fit for elite education.
“Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters is terribly selective. We get thousands of applications from promising students each year and can only afford to accept the best of the best,” explained Professor X from his multi-million dollar floating wheelchair. “Mutants without training from private summer camps and experience with state-of-the-art equipment are better taught at public school, where they can learn side-by-side with their own kind. Children like that would simply not fit in here.”
After his comments, Professor X entered Cerebro in order to mentally suppress thoughts of unionizing among his teachers.
