Uncles can be a bit of a handful. Whether pointedly bringing up politics out of nowhere during a family dinner, or making racially-charged comments about the NFL after a couple drinks on Christmas, sometimes Peter Parker’s origin story seems a bit enviable. But which nemesis should do the dirty work? This list will break down the pros and cons of some Spider-Man villains murdering your uncle.
A Burglar
PRO: Down-to-earth, relatable killer that would teach you the value of heroism
CON: Nobody likes sloppy seconds
The Green Goblin
PRO: Poetic justice for your uncle who doesn’t believe in vaccines to be offed by a scientist.
CON: Can’t inherit your uncle’s vintage Cowboy’s jersey if its disintegrated by a pumpkin bomb.
Sandman
PRO: Gives Thomas Hayden Church more work
CON: Will be cleaning your uncle’s murderer out of your shoes for weeks
Mysterio
PRO: Uncle would have to suffer through a live theater performance
CON: SAG notoriously difficult to coordinate with
Venom
PRO: Journalist Eddie Brock already has grievance with uncles who decry ‘fake news’
CON: Uncle will launch into tirade about alien symbiotes taking the jobs of patriotic American supervillains
Kraven the Hunter
PRO: Would use every part of your uncle after hunting him
CON: Could bond with your uncle about Second Amendment rights
Big Wheel
PRO: Uncle flattened by a big wheel
CON: Uncle flattened by a big wheel
