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100 Excuses to Tell Your Teammates in Rocket League When You Fuck Up

Instant classic Rocket League was released in 2015, and if you’re anything like me you’ve spent a startling amount of time being an absolute detriment to your online teammates, through absolutely no ill intentions of your own. It’s a high-octane pedal to the medal affair, and I am generally the worst one out there, even though I am quite experienced at this point and honestly trying my best. At some point I realized I was never going to become a better teammate, but I could become a better bad teammate! No one wants to hear you say, “Sorry guys, I was really trying and have even been watching YouTube videos on how to get better,” after a 5-0 shillacking, but if you give the right excuse, maybe these guys will hang out with you a little longer before blocking you. Just maybe. Here’s 100 things you can fire off in the Rocket League chat, either after an embarrassing loss or even just quickly after allowing a particularly mortifying goal. 

  1. sorry a bunch of birds flew in here
  2. I flooded the engine! 
  3. Those looked like goals to me guys idk 
  4. any1 else just have a lil seizure?
  5. wait what was teams???
  6. im very drunk!
  7. thought i opened forza wtf 
  8. quit hogging the road! 
  9. i am an old man 
  10. car’s low on oil i think 
  11. yyy did u guys play like that??
  12. i am so lost
  13. i dont feel like any of that was my fault 
  14. tires are super low 🙁 
  15. sorry spilled coffee on my foot
  16. sorry trying to play n drive
  17. oops i should’ve scored more points
  18. sry neighbor kids out there yellin at me 
  19. did we start?
  20. brb restarting internet
  21. whoa sorry was eating a sloppy joe 
  22. cars bein weird
  23. im being electrocuted wtf
  24. shit sum1 put something in my eyes 
  25. wasnt me 
  26. all ur fault
  27. learning 2 play w/ feet srry 
  28. ball is too small 
  29. ball is too big 
  30. hey im on dial up btw
  31. i dont think that went in 
  32. these fuckin guys are ramming me 
  33. this batmobile sucks dick 
  34. this delorean sucks dick
  35. bullshit i stopped that
  36. sorry was stuck in first gear
  37. using modded Virtual Boy to play srry
  38. edibles 
  39. doin the rope a dope 
  40. fps dropped never had a chance
  41. im all fucked up on cold medicine 
  42. srry trying to play and drive bus 
  43. wont happen again swear to fuckin god 
  44. my bad everyone’s screaming at me here
  45. yikes had to put out kitchen fire 
  46. fuck ya doin?
  47. I apologize for my actions, and I pledge to do better.
  48. they cheat real bad
  49. sorry gf broke up with me right when they took that shot 
  50. come on ref! 
  51. think my vax side effects jus started 🙁 
  52. ohh nooooo oh no oh no oh god please forgive me im so sorry i am crying
  53. im not one bit sorry
  54. ohhhhhhhhh now i get it 
  55. listen that wont happen no more 
  56. i sacked out what happened
  57. i really should have done that better
  58. alignment’s off i think 
  59. did it rain here last night?
  60. srry swerved to miss raccoon out there
  61. wtf cars dont fly 
  62. if these were real rocket cars that would’ve went in 
  63. my bad i thought u said let it go in 
  64. lol no way that was five minutes 
  65. that was weird
  66. paperboy just broke my window
  67. did i not do that well?
  68. that was all done ironically
  69. wait, what?
  70. yikes this is all going so fast 
  71. I am a concerned parent just checking this game for swears, I’m sorry if my poor playing has affected your evening in any way. 
  72. sorry new friends
  73. Sniper! Sniper! Keep moving everybody!!
  74. sorry was trying to put in cheat codes
  75. not all of that’s on me
  76. if they wanted me to play goalie they’d put a different colored shirt on me!
  77. sorry was updating my spreadsheets!
  78. VERY itchy sweater 
  79. I’m in VR and crashed out the window into the yard 
  80. oh that was mine?
  81. WHERE’S COACH?????
  82. 2nd place!!
  83. sorry we didn’t win but i gained 2 lifelong friends <3 
  84. this game is weird
  85. controllers bein weird
  86. wtf tv is being so weird
  87. sorry my mom was being weird 
  88. hm all of that was very weird
  89. ah!! someone is steering my car remotely like the Penguin in Batman Returns!!
  90. sorry sun got in my eyes
  91. sorry son got in my eyes 
  92. sorry just practicing for driving test irl 
  93. I just really wanna go back to the main menu and hear some of those sick tunes
  94. I never learned how to read
  95. I thought I was one of the other cars for like a good 15 minutes
  96. turns out my older brother didn’t even give me a controller that was plugged in
  97. ok look it kinda IS rocket science though, it’s rocket league science
  98. wait is this not Fall Guys???
  99. i just don’t like you guys that much
  100. Fuck that we won
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