WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump issued a vehement denial about the rumor that he was good friends with known sex pest Leisure Suit Larry, according to nearby sources.
“Are you people really still asking me about Leisure Suit Larry?” replied Trump in response to a reporter’s question about the ceasefire in the Middle East. “Like I said before, I barely knew the guy. When you’re as influential as I am you cross paths with a million different people. It’s possible that I may have bumped into him at a casino in Lost Wages, or in the dressing room of one of my Miss Universe pageants where I sometimes liked to do business. You can get a lot of business done in those dressing rooms believe me. You can do whatever you want in there no matter what those girls say. ”
Leisure Suit Larry, whose real name is Larry Laffer, countered Trump’s claim that they didn’t have a close friendship.
“I can’t believe he said that, we were definitely homies!” stated Larry before wolf whistling at an attractive woman who walked by. “I used to party with the Donald all the time. One time I remember inviting him to Muffington Island, but he blew me off at the last second to spend time with his new best friend, some guy named “Jeff”, who apparently had his own “way cooler” island. I eventually had to stop hanging out with the guy because he was really starting to worm me out. If anyone should be embarrassed about our relationship, it should be this guy.”
Right-wing commentator Megyn Kelly defended Trump amid the allegations.
“Politics is all about optics. This is a blatant attempt by the Democrats to sully Trump’s reputation and it’s being backed by the corrupt mainstream media,” said Kelly on her SiriusXM show to her over 4 million Youtube subscribers. “Just because clear evidence exists linking them, including a photo of Larry attending Trump’s wedding, and a very troubling video of the two of them leering at a group of young women dancing, that doesn’t mean they were good friends. Even if they were, what’s the big deal, is Larry even an actual sex pest, I’m not so sure.”
At press time, Trump denied that a newly discovered birthday card from him to Larry was authentic and insisted anyone who knows him knows that that isn’t how he draws ejaculating penises.
This article is satirical. Hard Drive is a gaming/tech satire site. All content should be considered parody and entertainment purposes only.
