Hi, gamers! We wanted to take a break from ripping a blistering satire hole through every stupid thing that happens in the video game world and just let you know that there is a gaming chair you can find over on Amazon, and while it’s not especially great, we make a little change if you buy one. Isn’t that neat? You can support Hard Drive all while getting a chair that is good to, like, throw your coats on or something. I wouldn’t sit in it for too long — it really fucked up my back. Maybe you could put your shoes on in it or something. Anyway, it’s the XTSeat CR1200, and it’s available now!
I’m really not used to writing product descriptions, so I’m just gonna be honest: you’re simply not going to believe how much every part of this chair is lacking or underwhelming in every way. The armrests are hard as a rock and the back sticks straight up and isn’t adjustable. There’s extra pillows in weird places and nothing supportive where you need it to be. One of the wheels doesn’t turn. Every spring inside of this thing comes to an incredibly sharp point. The middle gets hot if you sit in it for too long. It only spins clockwise. Touching the underside of it leaves a strange gunk on your finger. Water has an acidic effect on every part of it. It’s loud. It’s very heavy. The gunk will not come off of your finger. The chair also stinks.
But if you happen to be in the market for a new gaming chair at a reasonable price, and feel like helping us keep the lights on, go ahead and order one! I think I mentioned it before, but we get ten bucks for each one of these that we help sell.
We understand this isn’t ideal. In a perfect world, we’d be able to publish shit like, “Top 10 Gaming Chairs That Are All Totally Nice,” and we’d be able to buddy up with every company on the list and at least shamelessly point you towards buying something you halfway liked, all the while being a little less blatant in our motives. That’d be great for all of us, I’m sure you can agree. However, we have no contacts, and furthermore, I don’t even know how any of that shit works. I’m in my sweatpants trying to bang out a couple of my little articles to justify spending the rest of my afternoon playing Alien3 on the Super Nintendo right now, and XTSeat are the only people that answered me. So I don’t know what to tell you. Why are you even listening to me about a chair? I write about video games!
(The preceding article was a paid advertisement from XTSeat)
(Expect 3-8 weeks for delivery and a whopper of a shipping and handling charge.)
(Hard Drive is not responsible for any injuries sustained by the chair or the chair’s packaging)
(Author’s Note: Alien3 on SNES is not bad)
(Editor’s Note: Mark, we really need you to start working full days. Please answer my email.)