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Steam Activity Page Reveals Which Friends Going Through Rough Patch

BELLEVUE, Wash. — Valve has revealed that in addition to monitoring your own play habits and records, their activity page can also be a great way to see which friends of yours are going through a rough patch. 

“It’s really not hard once you know what to look for,” said Gabe Newell, president of Valve. “Are they buying games but still just playing something that clearly brings them a sense of nostalgic happiness? Boom, there you go. Be on the lookout for your friends to sink into games that don’t so much provide fun as they do a way to escape a couple more dark and lonely hours on this Earth. Stuff like that!” 

Many gamers have since confirmed the effectiveness of the tactic Newell spoke of. 

“Oh yeah, you have to keep an eye on your friends,” said Rod Eisenhauer, who spoke of a similar experience. “I saw that my boy Nate was playing Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time every night for like three fucking weeks and I was like, ‘Okay, that games fun, but what’s going on, bro?’ I went and checked in on him and yeah, he had just found out his parents were getting a divorce. Suddenly all he plays is shit from 2003.” 

Some gamers maintained that their eclectic tastes are not a reflection of any larger issues going on in their lives. 

“Naw, I’m totally fine,” insisted Tyler Holton, a gamer that disagreed with Newell’s assertion. “I can’t help it if I get overwhelmed by all of my modern gaming options and really just life in general and end up booting Stardew Valley up to go stand around in the woods in a way that won’t get me sick. I think that’s fairly normal behavior, don’t you?” 

As of press time, Valve revealed the friends of yours that set their activity to private are the ones you should be especially worried about.