BROOKSVILLE, Fla. — Local audiophile Tanya Binns has been searching for a podcast to occupy her ears while she desperately looks for a podcast to listen to, undecided sources confirmed.
“I really love having the background noise of podcasts going while I do just about everything,” said Binns, who refused to do this interview unless an episode of The Adventure Zone was playing. “But today I reached a truly horrific roadblock. I wasn’t able to find a podcast to have on while I do my usual browsing of podcasts to have on. I was paralyzed with fear and choices, my podcast app takes up about 95% of my storage on my phone and I’ve listened to everything at least once. It’s just hard to live a life where podcasts are so rich and varied.”
Binns’ roommate, Nicole Jester, further elaborated on the condition.
“I don’t know if I’ve ever seen her without her airpods in,” Jester said. “She is impossible to talk to, because I don’t know if she’s listening to me, or listening to Matt Mercer describing some fantasy bullshit. If a podcast isn’t playing she loses all motivation to do anything, and lately she’s been holed up in her room trying to perfect her daily playlist of podcasts. I get wanting some background noise, but enough is enough.”
Some see Binns’ addiction not as an issue, but as an opportunity.
“Well obviously I know what she should listen to,” explained Bruce Sanderson, host of Breaking Down Breaking Bad. “My newest episode just dropped and I have a feeling that not just her, but everyone reading this right now would love it. Please, please listen to it and give me five stars on whatever podcast app you use.”
At press time, Binns had given up on discovering a new podcast and decided to just listen to an audiobook.