Seymour Guado Awarded Blitzball Peace Prize
LUCA, Spira — This week, Maester of Yevon and Minister of Temple Affairs Seymour Guado was awarded a special Blitzball Peace Prize by the officials of the Church of Yevon “We are honored to award this peace prize to Seymour Guado,” said Gr…
Fallout Fan Has Same Music Taste As Grandpa
ORANGE COUNTY, Calif. — Local gamer and ‘Fallout’ player Jeffrey O’Toole has found a new way to bond with his grandfather Brian via their shared… <a href="https://hard-drive.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #5c23a9;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#a76ef5'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#5c23a9'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Santa Confirms He Will No Longer Be Gifting Xbox Consoles
Disney Adult Overjoyed by Hidden Mickey Found During Colonoscopy
ORLANDO, Fla. — Diehard Disney fan Adam Finemann was ecstatic to notice in his colonoscopy results that his bowels contained a hidden Mickey, sources confirmed. … <a href="https://hard-drive.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #5c23a9;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#a76ef5'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#5c23a9'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Quentin Tarantino Changes Opinion of Paul Dano After Seeing Him Say the N-Word in 12 Years a Slave
HOLLYWOOD — Writer-director Quentin Tarantino has revised his earlier negative opinion of actor Paul Dano after seeing him say the N-word in 12 Years a… <a href="https://hard-drive.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #5c23a9;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#a76ef5'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#5c23a9'">Get the full story</a>
Ganondorf’s Minions Suffer Existential Crisis Following Seventh Blood Moon Resurrection
Quentin Tarantino Steps on Lego Piece, Orgasms
LOS ANGELES — In a return to The Bret Easton Ellis Podcast, famed film director, Quentin Tarantino, shared that stepping on Lego blocks with his… <a href="https://hard-drive.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #5c23a9;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#a76ef5'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#5c23a9'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
#RestoreTheSnyderverse Guy Changes Address On Anthrax Envelope
BOISE, Idaho — After the announcement of Netflix’s intent to buy out Warner Brothers film and streaming businesses, local Zack Snyder fan Harrison Watford has… <a href="https://hard-drive.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #5c23a9;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#a76ef5'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#5c23a9'">Continue this tale</a>
“Death by Lightning” Reveals President James Garfield Hated Mondays
LOS ANGELES — Netflix’s new historical miniseries “Death by Lightning”, which focuses on the career and ultimate assassination of the 20th U.S. President James Garfield,… <a href="https://hard-drive.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #5c23a9;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#a76ef5'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#5c23a9'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Townspeople Furious After Samus Aran Repeatedly Drives Motorcycle 120 MPH Through School Zone
GALACTIC OUTPOST 673 — Residents of the Galactic Federation outpost held an emergency town meeting last night to determine how to tackle the issue of… <a href="https://hard-drive.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #5c23a9;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#a76ef5'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#5c23a9'">Read more nonsense</a>
Link Missing After US Military Blows Up King of Red Lions
CARIBBEAN SEA — Scattered flotsam is all that remains of Link’s ship after being struck by the US military, according to leaked Signal chats. “I… <a href="https://hard-drive.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #5c23a9;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#a76ef5'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#5c23a9'">Get the full story</a>
Video Games
Seymour Guado Awarded Blitzball Peace Prize
LUCA, Spira — This week, Maester of Yevon and Minister of Temple Affairs Seymour Guado was awarded a special Blitzball Peace Prize by the officials of the Church of Yevon “We are honored to award this peace prize to Seymour…
Fallout Fan Has Same Music Taste As Grandpa
ORANGE COUNTY, Calif. — Local gamer and ‘Fallout’ player Jeffrey O’Toole has found a new…
Santa Confirms He Will No Longer Be Gifting Xbox Consoles
NORTH POLE — Immortal elf Santa Claus confirmed that Xbox consoles will no longer be…
How to Turn Off Your Ad Blockers So You Can Watch The Game Awards
The biggest night in gaming is right around the corner and with it comes the…
Ganondorf’s Minions Suffer Existential Crisis Following Seventh Blood Moon Resurrection
HYRULE KINGDOM — Legions of Ganondorf’s horrible henchmen have reported suffering an existential crisis of…
Featured Posts
Mastercard and Visa Clarify That Lesbian Porn Still Okay
NEW YORK — In a joint press conference, Mastercard and Visa reassured the global community today by confirming that lesbian…
Triple H Reveals Record-Breaking Third Female Character Archetype
Following the success of WWE’s newest PLE “Eternal Conquerors,” Paul “Triple H” Levesque teased the pro-wrestling world with an announcement…
AI Prompt Writer Struggling with Suicide Note
SAN FRANCISCO — After numerous attempts, AI prompter, and Twitter troll, Freddy “Sweet Nut” Stevens has failed to conceive a…
I Read Josh Gad’s Memoir So You Don’t Have To
Okay, so truth be told, I did not read this. I listened to the audiobook on a Bluetooth speaker during…