HOLLYWOOD — Writer-director Quentin Tarantino has revised his earlier negative opinion of actor Paul Dano after seeing him say the N-word in 12 Years a Slave.
“I thought Dano was weak sauce,” said the 62 year old Tarantino. “But then I saw his performance as a foreman on a plantation in 12 Years a Slave and the way he dropped those N-bombs made me realize he’s actually awesome sauce. If I had known he could throw that kind of N-word around I would have cast him in any of many, many movies I’ve made in which a white characters, sometimes played by me, says that word to a black actor who has to stand there and swallow the bile that rises in their throat at both the thought of having to share the screen with my meager acting talents and that I’m shouting at epithet that I wrote in the script at them.”
Dano fans (Fanos) welcomed this announcement as the previous statements had them flooding the Internet with praise for their beloved Paul Dano.
“Paul Dano is a national treasure,” said Saul Mano, head of the Paul Dano Fan Club. “Swiss Army Man, Looper, and The Batman are just a few of the amazing performances he’s given where he hasn’t said the N-word. Luckily, there was one in there for Tarantino to latch onto in which Dano plays a virulent racist of the kind old QT loves to write, direct, and sometimes star as.”
Representatives for Paul Dano said the actor was glad to see the issue cleared up.
“There’s nothing worse than a Hollywood feud,” said Stephanie Marlow, Dano’s agent. “And we’re just glad it could be resolved with racially motivated language and not my plan, which was for Dano to show feet. Yeah, I had taken the pics. Shoes on, shoes off, socks on, one sock off, bare toes, painted toes. We covered all the bases. If this thing hadn’t been resolved, Tarantino was gonna be drowning in Dano digits. Luckily, those pics can be deleted now.”
At press time, Tarantino returned to the house he had recently purchased in Tel Aviv to write his final movie which will reportedly now follow the adventures of two descendants of plantation owners played by Dano and Tarantino himself.
