There’s a lot of characters in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate and much debate has been had over which character is the most powerful. But the question remains: which one of them would be the best friend? I’ve gone through every single character and ranked them by how good a friend and person they are.
#86 — Piranha Plant
As a Piranha Plant main, it pains me to say that Piranha Plant is a terrible friend. He is actively mean to me. If he sees me on the street, he doesn’t just ignore me — he spits a poison cloud in my face and laughs. Just leave me alone, Piranha Plant!!!
#85 — Dark Samus
Dark Samus makes racist jokes. It is really uncomfortable. That’s not “dark,” Dark Samus; it’s just racist.
#84 — Steve
Steve’s the kinda guy to offer to pick you up at the airport and then decide, day of, that he doesn’t feel like it. He didn’t even forget — just decided to scroll through TikTok on his phone instead. Doesn’t even text you to say he isn’t coming.
#83 — Wii Fit Trainer
Wii Fit Trainer is an Instagram influencer and she wants absolutely nothing to do with me. She thinks I am less than dirt.
#82 — Mario
Mario is one of the most famous people alive. Decent chance that he is an absolute monster.
#81 — Olimar
Olimar seems like he is completely unwilling to be my friend unless I join his weird cult thing, and I am not interested in doing that at all because he does not seem to fully value the lives of those who are in it.
#80 — Simon Belmont
Simon is very impressed with himself but doesn’t have much to show for it in a way that I find annoying. He would constantly be bragging about things and belittle your accomplishments. You tell him something you’re proud of that you did at work and he’s just like “mhm.”
#79 — Ice Climbers
Ice Climbers are those twins you meet who don’t seem to notice anyone else in the world. They are all in on each other and don’t need other friends. They will one day live in a big house with their spouses and honestly it’s fucking weird.
#78 — Princess Zelda
I just kind of think Zelda is stuck up. I dunno what it is, I just don’t vibe with her at all. Not really sure what her problem is, we just DO NOT get along at all and I hate running into her.
#77 — Duck Hunt
Duck Hunt Dog thinks he’s sooooooo funny. Well guess what? He’s not. He’s just MEAN. It’s not fucking funny and no one is laughing. Shut the fuck up.
#76 — Fox McCloud
Fox is a cool guy now, but he was a horribly mean bully in middle school and I will never forgive him for it. I don’t care if people change.
#75 — Dr. Mario
Dr. Mario thinks he’s better than everybody because he’s a doctor and he’s like not even one of the really impressive ones. He basically just prescribes pills to people. OK? Get over yourself bro. You’ll see him in the corner of your eye at a party, and like clockwork, within five minutes you hear him say, “oh, I’m actually a doctor.”
#74 — Link
I don’t know what it is, but I cannot get this guy to talk to me at all. He’s just completely uninterested. I know some people say he is great, but I don’t know what they are talking about.
#73 — Ness
Ness may be just a child, but I’m absolutely fine saying that he’s a little twerp. He will run up to you and hit you in the shin with a yo-yo. I would rank him lower on this list if he wasn’t a literal child, but he is a bad friend. Do not be friends with this boy.
#72 — Lucario
Lucario doesn’t clean up after themselves when you all get food. They don’t take their shoes off when they’re in a no-shoes house. They don’t wash their hands when they go to the bathroom. They’re constantly talking about becoming “more powerful.” OK bro.
#71 — Sora
I just don’t really like Sora and it’s not even really Sora’s fault, but it’s true. We do not vibe well in the slightest. Maybe he’s a good friend, I don’t know. Don’t really care. People swear he’s a good dude and then whenever I see him, I’m just like “ugh, I can’t stand this guy.”
#70 — Wario
I don’t mind when Wario is around, and sometimes I even think he’s alright, but then he’ll do something like Wario fart on me as a joke and I think it’s the least funny thing anyone has ever done in the history of the planet.
#69 — Mewtwo
I thought Mewtwo was cool, but I’ve been noticing lately that he kinda doesn’t really respect any women, and it is really making me wary of him in general. I get that his recent break-up was really hard on him, so I’m gonna give him some time to see if it’s just a phase, but keeping an eye on this guy, because it’s not feeling ironic or anything like that.
#68 — Mii Gunner
Maybe it’s because I’m not a gun guy, but Mii Gunner and I just come from wildly different cultures and don’t mesh well because of it. We became friendly due to proximity, but it’s not a real friendship and we both know it.
#67 — Samus
Samus is a workaholic. And I totally get that she has a really stressful job (space bounty hunter or something like that), but she will snap at you and then be like “sorry, my job is so hard. I had to fight a bunch of metroids today” and you have to be like, “oh don’t worry, it’s so OK.” But I don’t think it’s so OK.
#66 — Chrom
There’s too many Fire Emblem characters and they all hang out in one insular group and I don’t think I will ever penetrate it. Chrom does not want to be my friend. Is he a good friend to the other Fire Emblem characters? I have no idea.
#65 — Jigglypuff
Having a conversation with Jigglypuff is an exhausting experience. It’s so difficult to get a word in and it always feels like you’re both playing defense the entire time. I dunno if it’s just because they’re always running away from everything I say, but at the end of the convo, it feels like all we did was run out of time.
#64 — Bowser
Bowser always has a group of friends who he just met because he recently drove his entire friend group away by doing some heinous shit. But don’t worry — he’s working on himself and this time it’s all going to be different.
#63— Shulk
I would love it if Shulk could put on a shirt.
#62 — Pyra/Mythra
Pyra and Mythra are BEST FRIENDS and no one can EVER COME BETWEEN THEM. They’re down to have other friends, so long as everyone knows that THEY ARE ONLY EACH OTHER’S BEST FRIENDS. Like, OK, we get it. Sorry for asking if you want to get lunch.
#61 — Joker
Joker isn’t exactly a terrible person but he is obsessed with Reddit to the point where he is insufferable to be around. Like he is saying things like “thanks for the gold, kind stranger” out loud in front of other people. He cannot be trusted in public.
