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Love Pokemon But Craving The Psychosexual Horrors of Hell? Try Shin Megami Tensei 3: Nocturne

There comes a time in every trainer’s life where they must face the seemingly inevitable doom of the universe, and beat up at least one god who is determined to make it happen. Yes, we’ve all been there — Arceus, Giratina, Kyogre, and even Lucifer the Fallen Angel.

Please, Demi-fiend, have some strawberry candies. Some Werther’s Originals, perhaps…?

As it was first conceived by Satoshi Tajiri, Pokemon is all about collecting funny little guys. More specifically, it’s about the companionship and emotional intimacy between humans and the otherworldly beasts that surround them. Pokemon themselves govern the fate of the world and everything in it — the guidance, compassion, and hubris of humanity may interact with these higher forces, but can never fully control them.

In much the same way, Shin Megami Tensei is deeply invested in its lofty cosmic hierarchies and their clashes with humanity. It is also deeply invested in its own host of funny little guys (and frighteningly large, less funny guys with huge schlongs). Despite their harlotry and flesh-eating and bloodsucking, I find myself bonding with demons the same way I might bond with a team of Pokemon. Sure, they could slaughter me if they wanted to, but our shared convictions keep their violence at bay. Or maybe that’s just what I keep telling myself — maybe, in a world where only the strong survive, I’m always grasping for some shred of compassion amid darkness and uncertainty. Perhaps that is part of Nocturne‘s appeal: it calls your human inclinations into question, making you more acutely aware of who you are, what you believe in, and what type of monstrous debauchery gets you off. 

Get you a game that can do both.

Shin Megami Tensei 3: Nocturne is thrilling in more ways than one: if you’re tired of Pokemon‘s rather bland, vanilla turn-based battles, Nocturne will either impress you or make you want to rip out your hair. It’s the first title in the SMT series to introduce the Press Turn system (something that you may take for granted if you’re experienced in Persona) — if you score a critical hit or nail an enemy’s weakness, you’ll get an extra turn to continue fighting. With the right moves, you’ll keep your opponents on the back foot (or claw, tongue, slime puddle, so on). The turns move quickly and feel just as high-stakes as an action game with this additional factor, prompting you to strategize efficiently and zip through battles without mercy. It makes Pokemon look about as thrilling as Candy Land.

One of the most thrilling aspects of Nocturne‘s gameplay, aside from the Press Turn system, is Negotiation. You can’t really debate-club your way out of a Pokemon battle, and whenever you lose, you forfeit your cash to the guy who kicked your ass. Boriiiing. In Shin Megami Tensei 3: Nocturne, things get spicier: you could schmooze with and forfeit your entire inventory to Decarabia, and he would still kill you and spit on your corpse.

Welcome to the Vortex World, baby!

Decarabia, left, whose mascara job puts Staryu’s swagless eye-thing to shame.

Demons are all kinds of crooked and nasty. You can appeal to their vanities and vices in a variety of ways: nagging them, brainwashing them, and even getting them drunk enough to join your party. You can also seduce them, to which some might respond that your demon is “a hot piece of ass”. Indeed, demons pull even more pussy than a Ditto in day care. Ripping each other apart and fornicating to death is a normal hobby for demons the same way that an average human likes knitting or baseball, or a Pokemon likes the taste of sandwiches.

Imagine: your hometown rival shows up tits-out, and Arceus is on his team.

Oh, but the psychosexual horrors don’t end there. Watching the Demi-fiend and his two human classmates gradually lose themselves in the corruption of the Vortex World will make you feel itchier in your own skin. What would become of you in a post-human world? Would you succumb to your darkest urges, and start growing a big tree arm to show for it? Are you prepared to carry the burden of humanity’s vices and virtues to breathe life into a world of your own making? Are you afraid? Are you horny? Perhaps both? Would you even recognize yourself among the hordes of demons, when all is said and done? Only one way to find out — you gotta fuse ’em all.

Overall, you should give Shin Megami Tensei III: Nocturne a try if…

  • You would have loved nothing more than to live in Giratina’s Distortion World in Pokemon Platinum.
  • Arguing with sentient starfish and little snowmen sounds fun.
  • You’ve got an eye for puzzle-like boss battles that require quick thinking in a snappier turn-based format.

Otherwise, you should probably steer clear if…

  • You are squeamish at the sight of violence and sexual depravity.
  • You hate teleportation puzzles and poisonous floors.
  • A giant penis made of slime is too much for you to handle (physically and/or emotionally).

Shin Megami Tensei 3: Nocturne is available for the Nintendo Switch, PS4, and PC. We hee-hope you enjoy it! [lasso ref=”shin-megami-tensei-iii-nocturne-hd-remaster-nintendo-switch” id=”23173″ link_id=”3889″]

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