MUSHROOM KINGDOM — A report from the Mushroom Kingdom Department of Water and Power (MKDWP) revealed a steep 25% spike in municipal water usage since the new Mario Golf: Super Rush course opened earlier this year.
The news sparked outrage across the Kingdom, which was already facing a water shortage.
“Don’t these yuppies know we’re in a drought? Last time I took my kids to World 2-2, the water wasn’t even deep enough to swim. The blocks were turning brown. Cheep-cheeps dying by the hundreds. Meanwhile, the Princess and her pals are having a grand old time at the country club,” said local resident Green Toad. “Really makes you think.”
Despite the drain on community resources, the massive golfing complex remains inaccessible to the majority of locals.
“We should be putting all that water toward a free public park, or at least a place where the entrance fee gets you a little more bang for your buck. The average worker can’t afford to drop so much money on golf. That’s why you only see the bosses there,” said Green Toad, who works under Mario at a local construction site. “$60 is a lot of money.”
Course officials rejected the criticism, insisting that golf remains essential to the canon of the Mushroom Kingdom.
“Ever since Mario and Luigi picked up their clubs almost 30 years ago, our courses have brought the fun, manic energy of golf to Mushroom Kingdom. Is there room for every single resident to play here? No, there is not. Resources are limited,” said a written statement from the club, which recently added a fully functioning city as a new course. “It’s top-tier franchise characters only, and also Chargin’ Chuck, for some reason.”
In response to the public outcry, Princess Peach promised to slightly refurbish the popular Mario Kart facility for a third time.