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Microsoft Announces Game Pass Subscribers Will Receive a Real Life Dog on September 1st

REDMOND, Wash. — Microsoft has unveiled everything coming to its Game Pass platform next month, and it includes some brand new titles, a few remastered classics, and an actual dog for subscribers to the platform’s Ultimate tier. 

“We all knew that Microsoft would have to answer to Sony’s new PS Plus service,” said video game journalist Lindsay Benson. “But I didn’t know they’d take this big of a swing. Wow. Free dog. Hope everybody’s ready, because there’s a lot of responsibility here. You gotta feed them, water them, oh man, I’m just realizing this might actually be a horrible idea.  A lot of people are going to get in trouble with their apartment buildings and shit like that.” 

Microsoft has not elaborated much on the upcoming free dogs, beyond saying that they’re working on the logistics specific to each region that Game Pass Ultimate is offered in. 

“We’re gonna do our best to get you a good dog,” said Phil Spencer, CEO of Microsoft Gaming. “But no promises. You get what you get. If you don’t like the dog, you’re under no obligation to keep it, just like you’re not obligated to download and play any one specific game from the over 200 offered on our service. We just want Xbox users to have as many options as possible, all the way down to potentially taking on a new member of their family.” 

Gamers’ reactions to Microsoft’s attempt to lure players back to their platform indicates that it may prove quite successful. 

“Wow, I had let my Game Pass lapse because there wasn’t a ton of compelling stuff on there for me lately,” said Ray Chuckner, an Xbox Series X owner that mostly uses it to watch HBO these days. “But a free dog? That’s an incredible value. I’ll probably get Game Pass again in that case. I do sort of miss playing Slay the Spire on there. Oh, and I love dogs, so we’ll see what they send me.” 

As of press time, Microsoft clarified that if you canceled Game Pass Ultimate they would need their dogs back.