BROWNING, Ill. — A local media pirate was reportedly made to feel like an absolute ass when he was tricked into clicking the big, bright “download” button on a torrent website, amused friends of his confirmed.
“Wow, Gary’s a dumbshit, huh?” asked Eric Chutt, a friend of the rube’s, after finding out that his pal Gary had in fact thought the huge “download” button was meant to be used. “That’s like Day One stuff, what a moron. Gary’s so far behind with shit like this. When I asked him if he’s heard the new Kendrick Lamar, he asked me if I could burn a copy of the CD for him. What the hell does that even mean?”
When asked about it, Gary was slowly recovering from the embarrassment of clicking on that big button.
“Man, I guess I’m just finally the old dipshit that doesn’t understand the world around him,” he said, shortly after the giant button he clicked opened a series of pop-ups he struggled to close. “So wait, which one of these ‘download’ buttons do I even click? Wait, I’m not downloading this from a server, but a bunch of people? Honestly, what the fuck are you even talking about? Jesus Christ man, it doesn’t mean this much to me to watch Poltergeist, I’ll just figure something else out. Fuck this!”
As of press time, Gary was seen bidding on a DVD copy of Poltergeist on eBay.