Press "Enter" to skip to content

It’s-a No Fun Being-a Me: My-a Life With Super Mario Speech Disorder

Since I was-a just a boy, I have been-a the only known patient with-a what psychologists have dubbed Super Mario Speech Disorder. My-a life is a constant struggle and it’s-a time people learned more about this extremely rare and-a fatal condition. Here we go!

In-a case it wasn’t-a clear, Super Mario Speech Disorder is a disorder where-a you talk like Super Mario from the Nintendo video games. This-a condition is a lonely one. Life is-a very hard when you sound like a famous character from-a video games. Oof! You will never-a know-a the pain of being asked what time it is by a stranger and uncontrollably blurting out “Okey-dokey, Mario Time!”


I’ve had-a Super Mario Speech Disorder for over 30 years. It’s-a been this way ever-a since I was a child and a monkey hit me in-a the head with a barrel. It was not-a funny. The doctors thought I was-a making it up for years until a brain scan showed an M-shaped bruise on my-a frontal lobe. And they say an operation to-a save me would likely be-a fatal. Mama Mia!

But I am not just-a this disorder. I have-a my own hopes and-a dreams. Sure, I could-a just give up and open a pizza place or become an organ grinder, but I will-a not! I am-a on a career path in-a the finance industry and I am-a thriving! Some-a day I will-a become a Super Certified Public Accountant! Let’s-a go!

So now-a you know my perspective. I do not-a want you to pity me. I do not-a want you to laugh at me. I only want-a you to understand me. Or at least stop-a throwing turtles at me.

Thank-a you so much for reading my article!

We’ve launched a brand new podcast network. Check out the newest episode of the Hard Drive podcast where we watch and discuss every episode of 1989’s The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!

Be First to Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *