PITTSBURGH — Local window washer David Henderson fell to his death while on the job after being unable to use his recovery move to grab the edge of the scaffolding because a coworker was edge guarding.
“It was the dreaded phone call every window washer foreman has nightmares about getting,” said Frank Wasserman of Crazy Frank Wasserman’s Window Washers. “I’ve known David for a long time. You hate to see him go this way. He was the kind of guy to always let you have his Max Tomato if you weren’t feeling so hot. He will be missed.”
Bystanders questioned how Henderson’s coworker, Charles Frederickson, could have edge guarded someone on his own team.
“Look, it was an accident, okay,” Frederickson said. “I wasn’t even really edge guarding. A Poké Ball was falling off the scaffold. I thought I could grab it and I slipped. If I hadn’t grabbed the ledge it would have been splat down on the ground over there for me, too! And, no, this has nothing to do with the fact that David kept stealing all my kills by smacking everyone with a home run bat. We’re teammates. I was happy for him. I’m sure the detectives will find that Poké Ball somewhere nearby any minute now.”
Henderson’s wife, Kathy, said she was worried about her family’s future without their primary breadwinner.
“We had been saving up to buy a house on Onett,” said Kathy. “We figured it would be safer for the kids than our current apartment in the Brinstar Depths. Sure, they say the streets there are a bit dangerous because there’s basically no traffic enforcement, but at least ‘up’ is always ‘up’ and there’s no giant monster constantly attacking you. I think the police need to take a closer look at Charles. He had always been jealous of my husband because David had more trophies than him. You know, for employee of the month and stuff. That sort of thing.”
At press time, unconfirmed reports stated that Henderson was spotted back on the scaffolding after pressing start.
