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Zuckerberg Jumps Around Quickly Building Sniper Tower on Private Island as Final Circle Closes on Him and Two Servants

TILTED TOWERS — According to a leaked video recording from his Hawaiian island compound, Mark Zuckerberg recently quick-built a tower in order to get a better angle on two servants during the final circle with his suppressed sniper rifle.

“As much money as we spent on the Metaverse we just couldn’t recreate the guttural screams of a man as I take his last breath” said Zuckerberg. “When I saw all of the contractors building my island compound I started to realize maybe it’s time to get out in the real world and touch grass, ya know?”

The Facebook founder then elaborated on how he managed to obtain another victory royale, and inform the surviving family members of those who competed.

“I wasn’t sure I was going to get out of that one. One of them had a gold scar and a ton of mats. I’m lucky I had the angle on him and caught him off guard,” said Zuckerberg. “It helps my crew put some sedatives in the pre-game meal.”

At this point, an employee walked in to give a report on the state of the game.

“Sir, we’re having trouble with the pace of updates. I know you said we should keep it as identical to the real game as possible, but we’re running into a lot of unexpected issues,” said the employee, clearly visibly worried. “Epic Games doesn’t need to bag up and burn 99 bodies for every match, and they don’t need to tear down all of the builds. It’s a computer game, it just happens automatically. Do we really need to drop you out of a flying bus every time? It’s starting to get expensive.”

At press time, Zuckerberg was seen dropping out of the sky to land on top of a perfectly recreated one-to-one replica of Tilted Towers.

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