LOS ANGELES – Amid several allegations of grooming, plagiarizing, and using aimbot, Duncan Gilroy, known as SquirrelyMcDuck on YouTube, has released an ill advised apology video sponsored by a ball shaving company.
“Thank you so much to MANSCAPED® for sponsoring this apology” Duncan said, beginning the two hour video with a big sigh. “This is a follow up to the screenshot of my Notes App apology I posted on my story. Some of you didn’t think that was ‘sincere’ so me and my friends at MANSCAPED® have teamed up to set the record straight.”
The YouTuber with 27 million subscribers then begins to explain his wrongdoings in an incoherent mess of interpretive dance, questionable impressions, and a long monologue eerily similar to Michelle Obama’s speech at the 2016 Democratic National Convention.
“I am ashamed of what I’ve done, and now know that the only grooming a guy like me should be doing is with the new and improved Lawn Mower® 4.0 with skin safe technology and controllable LED lights.” Duncan then demonstrates how waterproof the titanium testicle trimmer is with the tears of his remorse.
At this point in the feature length presentation, Duncan picks up his dog, Ocho, to deflect any real criticism onto an adorably helpless puppy. “Man’s best friend can get you through some dark times, but man’s second best friend is the new Weed Whacker® 2.0 that can tackle both ear and nose hair.”
As the video concludes, Duncan had successfully cried twice and plugged MANSCAPED® over sixty times.
“I’m going to take a break from the vlog, maybe take a trip with MANSCAPED® Perfect Platinum 5.0 Luxury Package, and reconnect to who I was before all of this. I’ll be gone for a while, but not as long as the battery life of the Lawn Mower® 4.0.”
At press time, using discount code ‘FORGIVEN’ at check out will get you 15% off your next purchase of $100 or more at MANSCAPED.com.
