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Xbox Game Pass to Require PSN Account

Microsoft announced on Monday that their premium game subscription Xbox Game Pass will require a PSN Account to login.

“Due to technical issues at launch, we didn’t require users to have a PSN account,” stated a Microsoft spokesman. He was sweaty and not looking entirely well. “But it was the plan since day one. We’ve been hearing your concerns and we know that gamers want innovative new login opportunities. Plus, linking to a PSN account plays a critical role in upholding our values of safety and security.”

The spokesman didn’t comment when asked how linking to the account attributed to safety and security. And has so far not replied when asked if his statement means the service was unsafe and unsecure this whole time. Many gamers have other concerns.

“My password manager says it’s full… No more space. Completely full!,” said Kelly Logger, avid gamer. “I’m already logging into my home PC remotely from my work laptop to play Steam games through Game Pass. And now I have to go through a fourth wall? You gotta be kidding me. Plus I’ve heard there’s something… strange… with the PSN launcher…”

In addition to safety concerns, and rumors told only in whispers, in some countries PSN isn’t even available for purchase, leaving some gamers in the lurch. We reached out to Ali Yusupov, a gamer from Uzbekistan, to get his perspective.

“I finally had a reason not to pirate,” said Yusupov, referencing the reasonably priced Game Pass subscription. “But Sony hasn’t made PSN available in Uzbekistan since we started having priests consecrate our consoles and gaming PCs.” Yusupov took a deep breath, as though someone was at the door. He murmured that he shouldn’t have called before hanging up.

At the press release, the Microsoft spokesman was joined by his Sony counterpart… a pale, nameless man. When asked what motivated the new partnership, the Sony rep hissed and flicked his forked tongue. When pushed for further questions he handed us a card with instructions on how to sign up for a PSN account, which suddenly seemed like an excellent idea.

To get more information on how to sign up for a PSN account, which we highly recommend and will soon require, click ḧ̷̰̙̏͘ę̵̳̅͜r̸̺̉́̒̅͝e̵̩͈̘̜̿͋̋̎.

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