SAN BERNADINO, Calif. — Redditor Nick Charles is reportedly “absolutely fuming” about how disrespectful it is for an artist to insert herself into her work, especially after the decades of men who did it first and are still actively celebrated, sources confirmed.
Charles was reportedly shown irrefutable evidence on a subreddit dedicated to “fighting mind viruses of any kind” that the Mary-Jane Watson character in Spider-Man 2’s story vaguely resembles one of the head writers of the game. That’s when he lost it.
“Mary-Jane Parker is a CANON HOTTIE!” Charles insisted, while simultaneously getting the character’s surname wrong. “She is a SUPER-MODEL IN-CANON!” he continued, referring to one of about a dozen Spider-Man continuities, none of which had anything to do with the videogame he directed his fury toward.
Although Charles’ comments were vast and spread across various social media platforms, we also received emails explaining his position.
“These people don’t even know that the Venom symbiote is vulnerable to fire — I guess it’s no surprise they don’t know what a SUPER MODEL LOOKS LIKE!” Charles wrote, angry that long-standing continuity was being ignored despite the game mentioning twice that that particular version of Venom is immune to fire.
Co-workers of Charles at the AG Foods mart said it wasn’t his first outburst.
“Nick [Charles] the shelf stocking guy?” his co-worker said when reached for comment. “Yeah, the bosses had to put him there on off hours because he’s ‘not good with people.’ That’s what they called it. Truth is he yelled at customers and absolutely reeked.”
As of press time we were flooded with additional emails from Charles and chose the following at random:
“I mean just because MEN like Stephen King, Harlan Ellison, Patrick Rothfuss, Andrej Sapowski, Alan Moore, Warren Ellis, Robert E. Howard, William Gibson, Michael Moorecock, Gene Roddenberry, Frank Miller, Clint Eastwood,” the email read in part before we scrolled down for a while, continuing. “Neal Stephenson, George Lucas, Ian Flemming, and Dan Brown all wrote ham-fisted, ultra-idealized versions of themselves into their stories to make out with their unrealistic, underwritten, busty female fantasies, SHE THINKS SHE’S EARNED THAT?! Who does she think she is, Ernest Cline?!”