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Woke Video Game Sequel Replaces Main Character With Woman

INTERNET – Controversy arose as the recently released sequel to a popular video game forced gamers to play as a new female main character, with the male protagonist of the original title reduced to a supporting role, gamers yelling at full volume into their web cameras confirmed.

“It’s just an insult to the fans,” said Dudley White, a local gamer who has regularly played the original game since its release. “We’re the ones who made this game the success that it is. I played it, all my friends played it, but I don’t know any women who played it. None of my friends did either. We couldn’t think of a single woman who did. Zero.”

According to early reviews, the game features the newly introduced female protagonist battling an army of the undead with the same level of skill as her male predecessor. The star of the original game only appears in cutscenes as the female protagonist’s love interest. The story concludes with the two of them having a child together.

“It’s clear that video games aren’t allowed to just be fun anymore,” complained video creator Christian Lang into his camera. “They have to be about pushing a political agenda. You see, the game keeps going after they have a baby. The woman’s out fighting ghosts, ‘Whoo, girl power! Gender equality!’ Where’s the man? You know, the one gamers actually want to play as? He’s not in the game, so he must be at home like a beta – that’s what they want us to become. And if you don’t like it, they decide you’re the problem! They’re openly mocking us.”

Despite the fans’ concerns, marketing for the sequel insists it’s a respectful continuation of its original, retaining its fast-paced gameplay while improving on its level design, enemies, and the challenge of its optional objectives. However, many gamers remain unconvinced.

“I don’t care how much better they say it is, they won’t get one more quarter from me,” said White as he cleared another level of the original game. “You want to kick me out of my own hobby, that’s what you get. Can’t even imagine what the third game will be. They’ll probably make her some CEO like that’s realistic.”

“It just feels like it’s all downhill from here,” he concluded, as the protagonist died on the screen. “I wish video games were still like they were in the old days, you know?”

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