Since the dawn of pop culture, vinyl collectibles have been a highly sought-after addition to any media’s merchandise repertoire. As production has become more accessible, companies such as Youtooz have popped up, allowing anyone with a modicum of internet following to get their own figure collection through sponsorships.
The only problem being that, beyond the big names like Jacksepticeye, MrBeast and various brand partnerships, nobody seems to know who all these content creators are.
“It diversifies the brand, you know? More people means more money coming in, means more names under our belt, means brand loyalty,” said Youtooz 3D modeler Jensen Kiersten. “And, like, if we get it big enough, we’ll be immune to controversy. Who’s gonna complain about who we sign on when everyone’s got Youtooz of their unproblematic faves?”
As of late, this has been tested with recent Youtooz releases, ranging from controversial adult animated series Big Mouth to plush penises. Recently, the company revealed tie-in Helluva Boss figures — another show with past controversies.
“Wait, what the fuck, they made Big Mouth ones?” said outraged collector Sandra Neil, who runs a popular YouTube channel centered around informed media consumption. “I thought they were just Established Titles but for cheap figures! They pay you to shill, and give you a little Funko of yourself! And isn’t Big Mouth the show about kids fucking?”
Upon correction that Big Mouth is a satirical adult comedy about coming-of-age and teen sexuality, Sandra adjusted her statement.
“Well, that’s not as bad, but it was still weird when that one character fucked a pillow and it was alive and had little pillow children. They didn’t make a figure of the pillow, did they?” Sandra added, while removing her various Youtooz from her collector’s shelf.
Currently, Youtooz has not released a figure or plush fitting that description, although they have made a figure of Nick, the main character, who sources in the collecting community describe as ‘looking like a dog about to piss itself’ and ‘an affront to Funko.’
“We got a few uggos in there,” said a source from Youtooz upper management who requested to remain anonymous. “To be frank, we just search keywords on YouTube and filter by popular. Then we send out sponsorship emails. I don’t even know who JellyBean is, but the kids like ’em, so who really cares?”
At press time, rumor had it the next Youtooz drop would be of budding TikTok Star Osama Bin Laden.
