GLEN ELLYN, Ill. — In a move that many are describing as sick and twisted, a vengeful gamer has chosen to terrorize his friends by selecting a 50-turn game in Mario Party.
“That’s right, we’re doing all 50 turns. Hope you picked the characters you really like!” explained spiteful gamer Chris Bach. “You better make sure you’re ready to spin that control stick for your life, or mash that A-button for as fast and as long as you can, because this could take upwards of three hours! Mwa ha ha!”
Bach’s friends were confused and bewildered by his behavior.
“Man, what did we ever do to him to deserve this?” asked friend Kevin Park. “This was supposed to be kind of a chill hang-out sort of night, maybe grab a pizza and hit up a bar later, but he’s absolutely committed us to this game. I texted our other friends to let them know they might not see us for a while. A long while.”
As the game entered its halfway point, morale was at a record low for the evening.
“Oh great, Balloon Burst again,” said Thomas Smith, letting out a huge sigh. “I don’t think I have the endurance for these mini-games anymore. I don’t think I can handle someone stealing another star from me again. I don’t think I’m gonna make it. If I can’t get someone to fill in and play as Donkey Kong for me, I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
At press time, Bach revealed that he was upset because one of his friends forgot to plug in one of his controllers the night before.