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Fast-Rising Valorant Rookie Begins Slur Training

DALLAS — Jon “SnipeSmoke” Straiham a Valorant rookie who has been quickly rising through the competitive scene, has confirmed that he is set to begin slur training.

Straiham has taken the Valorant competitive scene by storm recently and is ready to fully round out his game.

“I’m ready to step my game up and get to the next level. I know I’m really good at the fundamentals like map awareness and shooting but anyone can be good at that, what separates the casuals from the pros is your skill at hurling slurs and both friend and foe,” said Straiham.

“I grew up in a pretty progressive household where my parents taught us to respect others and be mindful of offensive language which is useless if you want to play Valorant at a high level. I’ve got the best coaches with me and I’m ready to learn.”

One such coach is 25-year-old retired Valorant pro Noah “MamaKakaBoBoDay” Marks.

“I’m really grateful to have the chance to foster the next generation of Valorant. Jon’s parents’ teachings really did a number on him in terms of progressiveness, he’s still instinctually calling out microaggressions and the like which is a real problem but he’s a great kid and I know he’s gonna be shouting slurs like the best of them in no time,” said Marks

Straiham starts his training soon and is looking forward to the experience.

“We’re gonna start with the basics, Homophobia and Misogyny 101 before moving on to more advanced things like Alt-Right stuff. I’m pretty excited, Noah is one of the greatest of all time, and to be learning how to scream slurs from the guy who went on a 13-minute anti-Semitic tirade against his own team after he got killed rushing the enemy by himself is a dream come true,” said Straiham

At press time, Straiham is currently reading through hundreds of 4chan gaming forum posts and youtube comments to learn as many slurs as possible.

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