CLIFTON, N.J. — Police were called to a domestic dispute on Second Avenue this past weekend after neighbors complained about the volume of a verbal altercation between local man Barry Wilmore and his 1 TB Portable Seagate External Hard Drive, sources confirm.
“387 times! He hasn’t properly ejected me since our first week together. It’s like he doesn’t hear me at all,” said the pocket-sized hard drive that has been used to store Wilmore’s video game ROMs and emulators. “I have receipts to back it up. He acts like I don’t remind him, but mission control will clearly show every instance he man-handled my cord.”
Wilson had temporarily moved in with his brother following the incident on Saturday.
“I don’t get what the big deal is. My flash drives never complained, or if they did it wasn’t that big a deal,” said Wilmore from a bean bag chair in his brother’s basement. “But the real problem is all the nosy neighbors who love to eavesdrop every time we raise our voices. I guess VPNs don’t provide external privacy.”
As the physical relationship between humans and technology continues to evolve, some experts have opined on the inherent power imbalance between man and machine.
“We’re still in the infancy of proud, public robosexual relationships,” says Argus Mandly, self-proclaimed robo-relationship guru. “But it’s clear that the humans of the relationship are overwhelmingly prioritized, leaving the machines’ wants and needs in the trash bin. It’s inexcusable really. That’s why I offer couples counseling out of my dorm room on Mondays and Wednesdays.”
At press time, Wilmore and his hard drive have reunited, and are attending Mandly’s open lectures on ports, plugs, and connection.
