WASHINGTON — The United States Treasury has gone on record to say the country’s $33.7 trillion debt is owed entirely to Nook Inc, according to a statement.
Most people think of Tom Nook as a greedy individual, but many members of the government say this isn’t the case.
“He’s actually a very generous man. We still owe him for rebuilding the White House after the War of 1812, but he hasn’t bothered us once,” said Secretary of the Treasury Janet Yellen. “Hell, he even lets us pay our congressmen’s salaries with his money!”
Other members of the government took the opportunity to explain where all this money is being spent.
“A lot of people have asked why the national debt is so high. The truth is we keep buying Godzilla statues to scare Biden,” said Vice President Kamala Harris. Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin added on by claiming that every weapon in the United State’s arsenal is on loan from Nook’s Cranny.
The government says they’ve tried paying Mr. Nook back, but have been increasingly unsuccessful.
“The 2008 housing market crash happened because we were trying to sell as many of Nook’s homes as possible,” said an anonymous CIA member. “We killed Kennedy just so we could pay him for the memorial library.”
“I’m pretty sure we’re just keeping track of the number for fun at this point,” Harris told us.
When asked about where Americans’ tax dollars have been going this whole time, Yellen simply stated “star fragment furniture.” Tom Nook refused to comment.
