SAN FRANCISCO — Video game streaming platform Twitch recently chose to relax their policies to allow for “artistic nudity,” before promptly reversing those changes after looking at their own website and realizing nothing on there can be considered artistic in the slightest.
“After our former CEO Emmett left, nobody in the office had actually ever been on the site. The higher-ups over at Amazon make a lot of decisions all the time and we don’t have enough hours in the day to verify if they’re any good or not. Most of us didn’t even know we weren’t called Justin TV anymore,” said CEO Daniel Clancy in a statement made after the reversal.
“Apparently it’s mostly a site for video games? I don’t really get it. Why the fuck would you watch someone else play a video game instead of playing one yourself? I figured something there would have some artistic value of some kind, but it’s mostly just basement dwellers playing Baldur’s Gate or whatever the hell the kids are playing these days.”
One Twitch developer, who requested to remain anonymous, gave their thoughts on the decision.
“I kept telling everyone that we have a lot of advertisers on the site that really don’t like that kind of thing, and they kept telling me that everyone probably subscribes to turbo anyway. Do they even know we’re trying to run a business here? Ads are our number one revenue stream, and pissing off the advertisers is not a good idea if we want to keep it that way.”
Former Twitch streamer Ludwig shared his opinion on the matter on his YouTube stream.
“I honestly can’t believe they decided to allow nudity of any kind and expected it to go any other way. I mean, the ‘art’ category alone was instantly flooded with people abusing the new rules, which is something people have done on Twitch every single time the rules have been relaxed in any way,” Ludwig said after a single chatter asked for his take fifteen times in a row.
Twitch staff were later seen spinning a wheel to decide which rule to ruin next.
