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Tucker Carlson Quicksaves Before Entering Conversation With Putin

MOSCOW — Former Fox News anchor Tucker Carlson was spotted creating a new quicksave in advance of entering the office of Russian president Vladimir Putin for an interview to be published on his X (formerly Twitter) account.

“This is going to be a complicated interview with a lot of dialogue options,” Carlson said when asked about the quicksave. “And I’ve heard bad things happen to the people that don’t pass his skill checks. Better safe than sorry.”

One of Putin’s bodyguards, who wished to remain anonymous, explained that quicksaving before entering Putin’s office is a common occurrence.

“Sometimes they tell us the stuff we did to them when they messed up, before they managed to quickload,” said the bodyguard. “I can neither confirm nor deny if we would ever commit any of the window-based acts described to us.”

Russian dissident Petri Maradingus was famously recorded as having once accidentally quicksaved when he meant to quickload partway through a meeting with Putin. Unable to correct his faux pas, he died of combination poison/falling damage shortly after.

Putin himself acknowledged the quicksave tradition.

“It’s a bit confusing. When I have guests over, my pockets and desk always seem to be empty by the time they leave, but I never notice anything happening,” said the Russian leader. “I’m not too worried about thieves, though. I’ve got my most perceptive guards walking in fixed patterns around 2 of the entrances to my office, and the key to the third entrance is hidden in a room directly across the hall.”

At press time, Carlson quickloaded back outside the office, muttering to himself “200th try’s the charm” before despondently trudging back in.