WASHINGTON — After the terrible violence seen against former president Donald Trump at his rally in Pennsylvania, his camp are considering their next steps and sources have confirmed his chief advisor suggested they parade Trump’s ear around Washington.
The suggestion came from Trump’s Hand of the King, Otto Hightower, who was tasked with coming up with a way to use the horrid event for political gain. Hightower has been one of Trump’s most trusted allies for years. Advising him on many political decisions and even ruling in his stead when he was busy playing golf in Mar-a-Lago. While not confirmed, it is believed that Hightower’s shrewd political cunning was behind the decision to send Ron DeSantis to the Wall to join the Night’s Watch.
“We have to strike now and we have to strike effectively,” Hightower was heard saying to Trump in a closed small council meeting. “Trump’s mutilated ear must be paraded through the streets of the nation’s capital so the small folk can see the horrors perpetrated by the false president, Joseph Biden, second of his name. Every second we don’t act our enemies gain more power. It matters not whether this heinous act was ordered by Biden or not so long as the people believe it was.”
In a press conference held at an undisclosed golf course Trump seemingly confirmed the plan to have his ear paraded around for the people to see.
“I had the best right ear you’d ever seen, let me tell you,” Trump said. “Very sad what happened to me. No doubt this was ordered by the coward Sleepy Joe Biden as a way to make me look weak, but I’m not weak, not me. Many people are saying that I couldn’t be stronger than I am right now. Even with my poor ear looking like this. Everyone is gonna see my ear and folks you’re not gonna believe how incredible this ear is even now, let me tell you. Even after being shot by that loser gunman nobody has a better ear than me.”
At press time, Trump was rumored to be conspiring with Lord Commander of his Kings Guard, Ser Kid Rock, to send Scott Baio under cover into Biden’s camp on a secret retaliation attempt.
