Well, the day has finally come. After a massive effort to survey every single human on the planet other than you, we are excited to reveal the definitive list of the 10 greatest video games ever made, in all of history, according to everyone whose opinion matters.
1. Fortnite
Everybody got together and agreed that Fortnite is the best game. We like the fun skins you can get, and we enjoy that it’s just as good as whatever game you enjoy the most — better, in fact. That’s the final word on the subject, and it damned sure didn’t come from you.
2. Minecraft
“I really like Minecraft. I think it’s the second-best game ever, other than Fortnite,” said the roughly 8 billion people we asked, word-for-word, so we figured there was no point in asking you. The weight of your opinion is so vanishingly small that it wouldn’t have mattered anyway.
3. Roblox
You probably haven’t wrapped your head around what Roblox is, exactly, but you probably should, because it outstrips whatever game you’ve been playing instead. Unless that game is Minecraft or Fortnite, of course. Don’t tell us though, if it is. Nobody cares.
4. World of Warcraft
Among the billions of people we asked, using a complex points system that we all agreed upon, the defining MMORPG of our age came in 4th all-time. We’d explain the scoring system, but it’s probably not worth troubling your little head over. Makes no difference, in the end, does it?
5. Grand Theft Auto V
On the day it came out, Grand Theft Auto V made $800 million, breaking the record for fastest-selling entertainment product of all time. Thanks to all the remasters and Grand Theft Auto Online, the game remains as popular as ever. Everybody is having a great time playing it without you.
6. Tetris
We received a lot of fascinating takes about Tetris. Some folks talked about the importance of Tetris to gaming history, and how they can still see its influence in their favorite games today. Others dove into the fascinating story of its creation by a Soviet scientist. Still others just love playing Tetris, at home or on the go. We valued everyone’s opinions equally and took time to work through them, challenging our own thinking in the process. It was an enriching experience for everyone involved. You’ll have to take our word for it.
7. PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds
Didn’t expect to see PUBG here, did you? Of course you didn’t. Then again, you didn’t even know we were making this list of the 10 greatest video games, so it’s a moot point. Everybody else knew, and they put PUBG at 7th, so who are you to argue? Next.
8. Mario Kart 8
You might be more of a Super Smash Bros. person than a Mario Kart person, but that’s not relevant here. Everybody else is all-in on Mario Kart for this list, and specifically Mario Kart 8 and Mario Kart 8 Deluxe. Sorry, we’re just reporting the facts.
9. Red Dead Redemption 2
That’s right, it’s better than the first one. Your friends, your family, strangers, even a few people who have since passed away — we got them all on record that Red Dead Redemption 2 deserves this spot. It is simply the universal consensus, and then we will say no more on the subject: RDR 2 is better than the first RDR, and therefore the ninth-best video game of all time. Other takes just don’t carry a lot of oomph, given who they would have to come from.
10. Pokémon Red / Blue
“Pokémon was a definitive game for me growing up, in a way that is specific and special to me, and that nobody else can quite relate to,” said everybody we interviewed, and indeed everyone but you. We found that thought to be really insightful — so insightful, in fact, that we’re going to publish articles written by each and every one of them separately, diving into their own experiences with Pokémon as children. The articles are going to be long and personal and in-depth — we’re going to let them go ham with it — and the praise for them from the readers will be overwhelming and endless. It’s too bad you don’t have anything to share, too!
So, that’s all ten. There may be a game or two that you feel should have been included in the list instead, like Skyrim or one of the Souls games. Maybe you have a pedantic answer like Pong. If so, feel free to sound off in the comments! Just remember that nobody asked.
