Sources close to President Biden report he often uses video games to escape from the stress and scrutiny of his very public position as the leader of the free world. This may seem like a harmless hobby at first, but the President’s advisors are reportedly worried he’s constantly drifting into the dangerous territories of memory and brain games.
As a form of gamer patriotism, we’ve decided to compile a list of video and board games President Biden should absolutely never fire up if there’s any form of recording device around him. We repeat: A single leaked video of him attempting to play through any of these top 10 best memory and brain games could be the nail in the coffin for his reelection campaign. Mr. President, do not play these games in public.
10. Sudoku
Introduced in Japan by Maki Kaji, Sudoku is a famous number-placement puzzle game that challenges players to fill a 9×9 grid with numbers so that each column, row, and 3×3 subgrid contains all the numbers from 1 to 9. A video of the President playing this game is a guaranteed Trump second term. We’d highly recommend the President’s advisors ensure no one sees Biden play this game. And for god’s sake do not let him try to pronounce it either.
9. Brain HQ
Brain HQ is an online platform offering a variety of brain-training exercises to improve memory, attention, brain speed, people skills, intelligence, and navigation skills. It will not improve Biden’s poll numbers if he were to be filmed playing it.
8. The Genuine Fred Memoroni Memory Card Game
A compact and challenging memory card game featuring brightly colored cards with fun illustrations, suitable for kids, adults, and Presidents while no cameras are around.
7. Wordle
This viral, web-based puzzle game, now owned by the NY Times, allows players – presidential or otherwise – to have six tries to guess a five-letter word, with hints provided after each attempt to aid in solving. C O R N P – nope, that’s 6 letters.
6. Classic Disney Memory Matching Game Set
This is a memory game for kids featuring beloved Disney characters, requiring players to match pairs of cards while enjoying illustrations of characters. If a video of Biden playing this game leaked, your liberal friends would probably subtweet you for enjoying the resulting memes.
5. Menique, Flags of The World, Memory Matching Game
This educational memory game featuring recognizable flags from around the world is designed to enhance memory and geographic knowledge through matching pairs. We actually have it on good authority that the President’s team forces him to play this game in private as a form of geo-political practice. But any recording devices in the room while he does so are considered a national security threat.
4. Portal 1 and 2
This beloved puzzle-platform game where players navigate through a series of complex puzzles using a portal gun that shoots connected blue and orange portals would destroy the president’s approval numbers.
3. Elevate – Brain Training
Several top level advisors have helped President Biden steer clear of anyone seeing him play this mobile app offering personalized brain training exercises designed to improve cognitive skills such as memory, focus, math, and comprehension through daily challenges.
2. Civilization 6
Civ 6 tasks players to build and expand their civilization, engaging in diplomacy, warfare, and technological advancement to become the dominant world power. Reports confirmed Biden was the first president in history to refuse to play it infront of White House doctors.
1. This scientist-created game:
Simply put: a video game designed by scientists to specifically target and enhance short-term memory in older adults poses too high of a PR risk. What if it doesn’t work? Or even worse – what if it does? Keep this thing away from the President.
