Psst. Hey. You. Come here. Do you like video games? I’m not crazy. Look, I just have some video games I want to explain to you.
10. Monster Hunter
You like adventuring and fighting cool monsters, right? Who doesn’t. Not only that, take a look at these cool Palicos. They are cat companions that help you fight. Cool, right! Okay, now here is the really cool part about Monster Hunter. You get a wide variety of weapons to choose from and some attack really slow and you may only get one attack that connects every minute or so. The best part? You get to do this over and over again!
Wait, hold on. How about hunting something else?
9. Manhunt
Okay, instead of hunting monsters, how about hunting some people and killing them in increasingly brutal ways while a grainy VHS filter is on screen. That’s the game! Just brutal murder after brutal murder!
Oh, lost you real quick on that one.
8. Any of the [Insert Sport] Manager Games
Fine, no killing. You like sports right? How about managing your own sports team? You get to pick players, adjust stats, manage finances, choose your stadiums, set concession prices, go through piles and piles of data. Imagine an excel spreadsheet, but with a fancy UI.
No, you don’t actually get to play the sport.
7. Destiny 2
How about an epic space adventure across multiple planets, with an arsenal of unique guns and abilities at your disposal! Actually, you can only play maybe a third of all the content because the rest has been vaulted. Oh, and it’s all relevant to the current story. Also, to really experience all of the available content, you’ll need to level up through the soft cap, powerful cap, and pinnacle cap. All of which are based on random armor drops that you have to grind out through daily quests.
But the gunplay is really solid!
6. Crusader Kings
Something more strategic. A game for the thinking person. A game where you can marry your sister.
Wait, come back!
5. Kingdom Hearts
Disney! Everyone loves Disney! And Final Fantasy! Did those two things get your attention? Great. Forget about them. Now let’s get into the fight between light and dark, and the keyblade war, and Organization XIII, and the Real Organization XIII, and Sora, and his Nobody Roxas, and the Heartless, and the Seven Princesses of Heart, and the New Seven Hearts, and…
I’ll send you a link to a 10 hour YouTube video explaining everything. It’s one of the shorter ones.
4. Super Smash Bros.
This is another crossover, but it’s a straightforward platform fighting game with characters from various Nintendo games and some other franchises. Now, to really play Super Smash Bros. you’ll need to learn how to wavedash, dash attack canceled up smash, and short hop fast fall L-cancel. We also can’t play on the TV you have, we’ll need to find an old CRT. Those controllers you have won’t do, we’ll need GameCube controllers, specifically ones with manufacturing errors that’ll allow us to do those techniques I mentioned above. No, we’re not playing Ultimate, we’re playing Melee.
Nevermind, I don’t have my 20XX Tournament Edition memory card with me anyways.
3. Nier
A great game with an engaging story. I’m sure you’ll want to experience as much of it as possible, but we’ll stick to the main story line. First, you’ll want to play Drakengard and get ending E. Then, read the novellas The Stone Flower, And Then There Were None, The Red and the Black, A Little Princess, and The Magic Mountain. After reading those, you can play Nier and get endings A, B, C, and D. Then read the novella The Lost World, listen to the drama CD The Space War, followed by the novella The Fire of Prometheus. Now if you can (and you should), you’ll need to watch the stage plays YoRHa and YoRHa Boys. Finally, you can play Nier: Automata and get endings A, B, C, D, and E. Simple.
All of this will give you some more context for a handful of text logs you may find in game.
2. Metal Gear Solid
I feel like I’m losing you, so I’ll keep this one short. Imagine if you fell asleep watching the history channel and all the shows playing melded together to create some sort of new history of the last half-century. Now imagine that story is then told by someone who did that, but is also obsessed with movies. On top of that, imagine someone who does both of the above and also likes to hyper focus on details about specific topics.
Huh? Huh?
1. EVE Online
One last shot, I think you’ll like this one. You get to pilot your own spacecraft, but to experience the game to the fullest, you need to join a corporation and follow the directions of the CEO. That CEO may instruct you to purchase items needed for your ship with real money in order to help the corporation in battle. If your ship gets destroyed during that battle, you’ll lose the items you paid real money for. Permanently.
Wait, even I think that’s insane.
