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Too Far: Nintendo Sues Guy Named Mario

MOUNT PLEASANT, Mich. — Many claim that the famously litigious Nintendo have gone too far after suing a man with the same common first name as their iconic mascot.

“This is crazy, I’ve done nothing wrong,” said Mario Romano, a local mechanic who insisted he’s never been to the mushroom kingdom and does not know any royalty. “I’m just a regular guy trying to support my wife and kids, I don’t need no damn lawsuit from Nintendo claiming I’m infringing on their intellectual property. How is installing mufflers in upstate Michigan doing anything close to that?” 

“The truth is, I’m not a crook, criminal, or con-man,” he continued. “It’s just me, Mario. Mario Romano.” 

Nintendo defended their decision despite a public outcry, maintaining that it was important to defend the integrity of their long established IP. 

“We realize that we don’t actually own the name Mario, not yet at least,” said Doug Bowser, president and CEO of Nintendo of America. “But we think this is a fight worth taking on. The evidence supplied in our filings show that not only did Mr. Romano dress in overalls and a mustache at one or more points last year, but we also have some pretty damning photographs of him stepping on a turtle the other day. That was the final straw, and we must stop this thief before he infringes on our copyright in a way that impacts us financially.” 

As of press time, Romano and his family had moved in with his slightly taller brother to save money while the lawsuit proceeds. 

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