CHICAGO — Local self-described “Naughty Dog” and fan of “The Last of Us” franchise, Jeff Braun, has been preparing to get real sexist again as the Season 2 premiere of the hit MAX show draws closer, per multiple reports.
“Oh, I can’t wait, man, it’s gonna be great.” said Braun in an official statement. “If there’s one thing I love more than the story of Joel’s fight for survival and the incredibly difficult decisions he has to make, it’s hating women. This series is supposed to be about a man, damn it, not girls! I’ve been standing in front of my bathroom mirror and yelling ‘bitch’ a whole lot, sometimes even using my hand to point for extra emphasis. The key is to make sure there’s some real hate in your voice as you’re doing it, otherwise, what’s the point, you know?”
Sources close to Braun, such as his best friend and fellow “Last of Us” enthusiast Andrew Reed, offered their thoughts on Braun’s behavior.
“Jeff’s a true gamer in every sense of the word.” Reed said. “When The Last of Us: Part II first came out, I remember how he took to the forefront of Reddit to complain about the death of Joel- I think he referred to him as ‘a masculine king’ and ‘a true example of a red-blooded American, shamefully taken away from us by SJW game devs and the woke mob.’ …if I remember the post correctly. It was something along those lines. Anyway, I’m sure he’s excited for all of the weird sex and gender debates to start up again now that Season 2 of the show is around the corner. He’s basically gonna be insufferable for a few months.”
One of Jeff’s college classmates, Maggie Myers, reached out to the press to offer her commentary, citing the fact that very few women were being asked for their opinions on the matter.
“Do not let this man on Twitter or X or whatever after the first few episodes come out.” Myers told reporters. “He’s one of those hypocrites who wants it both ways: he complained that Abby was too muscular when the game first released, but then after he saw the promotional image of Kaitlyn Dever for this season of the show, he said that it wasn’t ‘lore-accurate’ because she didn’t have enough muscles. Personally, I’m staying off of social media for this whole season, because I know he isn’t the only idiot who’s gonna be throwing around misogynistic comments – and that’s not even touching all the Ellie and Dina discourse.”
At press time, Braun was observed calling people excited for Season 2 ‘fake fans’ online and gently caressing a framed photograph of Pedro Pascal and Troy Baker.
