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‘Tekken 8’ Will Let You Play as That Guy Who Threw a Shoe at George Bush

IRVINE, Calif. — Bandai Namco Entertainment has revealed that the latest installment of Tekken will feature Muntadhar al-Zaidi, the man famous for throwing a shoe at George Bush.

Gamers will be able to test their skills against a diverse set of combat styles: Capoeira against Shoe, Aikido against Shoe, Sword against Shoe. In anticipation of the release, Bandai Namco sent us a brief overview of the character:

‘Fighting Style: Shoe Throwing
Hobby: Public Relations
Work: Professional journalist

Summary: Stats include high aggressiveness and very low damage. Does poorly against players who have solid “side stepping” or “throw countering” abilities. Shoe type: Oxford.’

Of course, fighting as al-Zaidi will add a unique set of challenges, as the character spends the majority each battle being chased around by secret service.

Reporters reached out to al-Zaidi for comment and he told them: “One of these Tekkens has a jaguar face. He has a jaguar for a face and he does pro-wrestling moves. All I have is a shoe!”

In order to get a youth perspective on the announcement, we tracked down some local kids hanging out in a nearby park.

“The Iraq War ended before I was born and I have no real connections to the Tekken franchise,” stated 13 year-old Jason Jensen.

The game is set to be released in January of 2024. As of this moment, there’s still no word on whether players will be able to unlock President Bush, a man with more confirmed kills than all the other Tekken characters combined. He also paints!