OMAHA — The excitement of winning a recent ranked match in Tekken 8 reportedly wore off quickly for Tucker Johnson after realizing he actually had no idea what he just did.
“I’ve spent hours labbing different moves and combos but I’ve never been able to do something quite like that,” Johnson stated while sweat poured down his face. “I was getting destroyed, and I panicked and started mashing buttons. All of a sudden, my character jumps 50 feet in the air, changes outfits, yells ‘It’s time to get Tekken’d’ and slams down a giant fiery hammer, ending the match instantly.”
Johnson, a self-proclaimed fighting game expert, assured reporters he has been playing games like Tekken, Street Fighter, and Mortal Kombat for years, occasionally branching out with food-oriented video games like Diner Dash from time to time.
“Yes, I’ll admit that Diner Dash got me through some of my roughest times, but on a normal day, there’s no doubt that you’ll see me playing a fighting game. I enjoyed playing Street Fighter 6 last year but felt it was too easy. It’s a game for babies which is why they did a collab with Fortnite. I like my fighting games to be serious. That’s why I play as a guy with a jaguar head in Tekken.”
Cocky after his most recent win, Johnson’s next battle ended in disaster when he got matched up with the giant bear named Kuma who wears a red bandana and wields a fish as a weapon.
“I thought I could pull it off again. I went into another ranked match only to get totally decimated by that damn bear. I tried to do the super move but my character just kept taunting. He wiped the floor with me! He treated me like a piece of salmon!”
At press time Johnson had just won another game using the tried and true 16 low kicks in a row method with Yoshimitsu.
