ST. CHARLES, Ill. — Local musclehead Brandon Kinz was spotted at a Planet Fitness this week bench pressing over 225 pounds and squatting over 315 pounds while proudly wearing a Kingdom Hearts tee shirt.
“Never skip leg day,” joked Kinz in a sweat-drenched shirt prominently featuring Sora, Donald, and Goofy. “And never forget to have a spotter with you — there’s nothing more important than gym safety, or the power of friendship. That’s something that the Kingdom Hearts games have taught me time and time again, after all.”
Others at the gym couldn’t help but take note of Kinz’s unique attire.
“Is that a Kingdom Hearts shirt? Who wears a Kingdom Hearts shirt to the gym?” asked fellow Planet Fitness member Zach Daley, who reportedly weighs 140 pounds. “Those games fucking suck. I mean, how many spin-offs does one series need? Not to mention the plot is an absolute mess. I mean, what is he gonna bench press, 358/2 pounds? Man… how did he get his form so good, anyway?”
According to those familiar with the situation, Kinz was unbothered by any weird looks he received while donning his personal workout wear.
“Overhead 135, bench 225, squat 315, deadlift 405,” muttered Kinz. “Sorry, those are the goals I’m trying to hit right now. I’ve got different Kingdom Hearts shirts picked out for every day of the week, too. Tomorrow I’m going to wear my shirt with Organization XIII on it. That’s my ‘beast mode’ shirt.”
At press time, Kinz’s shirt had split at the seams unable to contain his muscles, prompting an emergency trip to Hot Topic to replace it.
