AUSTIN – Amidst a disastrous launch, Aspyr, the developer and publisher of the new Star Wars: Battlefront Classic Collection, has revealed the three working servers are running on a single gonk droid.
“We have heard the user feedback and are doing everything in our power to fix these issues,” said Aspyr CEO Michael Rogers. “We just have to find out where that little fella ran off to.”
The gonk droid, which is a power-generating robot with legs used on underdeveloped planets without sustainable power grids, was responsible for the three multiplayer servers that were running on day one. Since the messy launch, nobody has been able to locate the droid, leading to continued matchmaking issues and unexpected crashes.
A leaked company memo from Aspyr describes the internal investigation into the issue, “Please be on the lookout for GNK Power Unit. The droid is housing every multiplayer server for the SW:BF Classic Collection, as well as crucial passwords for our developers. The unit was last seen in the hallways outside of Conference Room 4.”
The misplaced droid wasn’t the only source of audience dissatisfaction with the $40 remake of a 20 year old game. Spotty hit-boxes, sound quality issues, and locked inverted flight controls has led fans to question the care and effort put into the remaster.
“They pushed the release up trying to capitalize on the Dune: Part 2 popularity” says one ex-Aspyr employee on X. “They thought ‘Hey! We’ve got a planet of moisture-deprived sand people too!’ and made us work double-time.”
At press time, the runaway robot has been located, as well as multiple EG-6 power droids capable of doubling the amount of server space to 6.
