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Insomniac Games Reveals ‘Spider-Man 2’ Will Allow Players to Romance Police Officer of Their Choosing

BURBANK, Calif. — As their highly anticipated Spider-Man 2 approaches its release date, developers Insomniac Games have revealed a new feature that lets the webslinger pursue a romantic relationship with any of the prominent police officers found in the game. 

“Whoa, that seems like a little much,” said local gamer Drew Bonner, playing a new demo of the game that saw Spider-Man and a police officer going to a nice dinner and then taking in the new Ninja Turtles movie. “Not only is this a wild detour from the story of the game, it also just feels very tone deaf. Is this cop, like, his boyfriend now? Where’s Mary Jane? What’s going on with Venom? It really doesn’t feel like this should be in a Spider-Man game.” 

The developers defended the controversial inclusion of the option to romance and marry any of the police officers found in Spider-Man 2

“We wanted everything to be a little bigger and better in the sequel,” said Ryan Smith, one of the game’s directors. “So the map is bigger, Spider-Man has more moves, and now in addition to helping the NYPD enforce a chilling level of assertive authority that serves as a stark reminder of the widespread problem of police brutality, we thought we’d show Spider-Man just fully making out with cops and putting his hands down their pants and stuff. Only if you choose to, of course. You’re really welcome to play the game any way you want. And yes, this time around, that includes marrying a cop and moving in with them.”

As of press time, NYPD officers had begun protesting Spider-Man 2’s release after finding out they were portrayed as kind and loving partners.