LOS ANGELES – ESA officially confirmed in a statement that E3 is dead, and that a funeral will be held at the Los Angeles Convention Center where the event was previously held. Every major developer has announced plans to attend, with two major exceptions – Sony and Nintendo.
“We really don’t see the need to attend. Sure, we had some good times, but our own presentations have been performing a lot better lately,” said Sony Interactive Entertainment head Jim Ryan as he was once again told he needed to pack up his desk.
“In honor of E3, we’re excited to announce The Last of Us Part I: E3 Edition, which is exactly the same but the box has the E3 logo on it. We hope that adequately expresses just how much E3 meant to all of us here at Sony.”
Nintendo of America President Doug Bowser also chimed in, to explain the company’s absence.
“We just hate those guys after how much people made fun of us during our Wii U presentations,” said Bowser.
“We’ll just do a Funeral Direct livestream on our own YouTube Channel. It’ll mostly be farming sims as usual, but we’ve probably got some time near the end to give a little speech, or whatever you do at funerals.”
We Asked Geoff Keighley, host of Summer Games Fest, to weigh in on these decisions.
“It feels really disrespectful, you know? After all that E3 did to the industry and to gamers, they aren’t even going to go to the funeral? Even though I’ll be there to announce which year wins the best E3 award?” said Keighley after telling us to “wrap it up” while asking our question.
“If you ask me though, I think it was well past time for it to go. Every second people were spending at E3 was a second they weren’t watching me talk to Kojima over at Summer Games Fest, which is just unacceptable. I’ve actually made plans to steal the identity of the english narrators for Nintendo Directs, so I can be a part of their eulogy.”
At press time, ESA employees were reportedly very reluctant to celebrate, citing concerns that E3 might somehow come back again.
