CHICAGO — A family sat down with their youngest child last night to inform him that his favorite live service game has died, sources have confirmed.
“I hate that Aiden has to go through something like this so young, but it’s important that we’re honest with him,” said Chuck Washington, Aiden’s father, when preparing to tell him about the recent announcement made concerning Shoot to Thrill, the abysmally reviewed first person shooter released by Visionarea Games last year. “After we read online that they were going to stop supporting it, we thought about just burying the game in the backyard at first and just having something new for him when he came home, but we decided against it.”
“Plus, how the fuck do you bury a live service game?” he asked. “Literally, I mean. Not the way EA does it.”
Aiden Washington was reportedly inconsolable after receiving the news.
“I knew I wouldn’t get to play it forever, but I just thought we had more time together,” he said through tears, throwing back Capri Suns at the kitchen counter. “It wasn’t a perfect game, it wasn’t even particularly fun, but it was my game, and I loved it. I don’t want another game. I just want to play Shoot to Thrill. It’s not fair!”
Executives from Visionarea Games said that this was an important lesson for young Aiden to learn.
“We’re all very sad to see Shoot to Thrill head to the big server upstate,” said Mike Lillard, director of the excessively buggy shooter. “But sadly, this is just a part of life when you’re really into video games. As this kid grows up he’ll realize that very few releases are able to actually live up to the pressure we put on them to make our lives better. Certainly not with lizards like us behind the wheel making ghastly decisions motivated by short sighted profiteering and nothing more!”
As of press time, Lillard confirmed that the world of Shoot to Thrill would continue to live on in some exciting new NFT project no one could really explain.
