KANTO – Foreign officials visiting the Kanto Region this past weekend were shocked to learn the large landmass, complete with 7 cities, 3 towns, 2 mountains, and a vast cave system, is officially depicted on a simple town map.
Official sources have reported that further investigation into this strange occurrence may have uncovered a deep rooted conspiracy.
“We’ve interviewed Kanto cartographers as well as every member of the Elite 4, who seem to be the only legislative body that has jurisdiction over this substantial continent,” said Dirk Bradshaw of Vice News. “However all routes run dry, we couldn’t piece together just who exactly made this call, and who is benefitting from it.”
The Town Map, which is prominently displayed in every Pokemon Center across the region, has never been called into speculation before by the local residents. Some have even gone decades with the map stashed away in their Key Items slot, never once questioning the peculiar depiction of the vast mainland.
“I never really learned maps and stuff like that in school,” says Pokemon trainer, Lass Mary. “I pretty much learned basic language skills, elementary level math, and then when I turned 10, I was thrown out into the world to fend for myself. You know, just your typical upbringing I guess.”
This lack of spatial awareness has led some to theorize what else the residents of Kanto are blissfully unaware of, even going as far to conclude that this universal stupidity is the reason notorious gangs and cults like Team Rocket have gained so much popularity among the masses.
“I had no structure in my life, no path to follow,” said one Team Rocket Grunt who requested to remain anonymous. “Giovanni makes a lot of good points, I ain’t never heard someone talk so good about things before, He truly is an inspiration.”
At press time, the newly established Kanto Board of Education has raised the Pokemon training age to 13, giving the youth of the region precious time to develop social skills, object permanence, and rudimentary cartography.
